i made a pretty big decision. i decided to pursue

the epik program, which is co-teaching english in korea. i will be having a conversation with someone who graduated from my university and took the same path.

in the process, i realized i have trouble making big decisions.

i absolutely love having someone i can tell anything to, and

it means a lot to me to have someone put a positive spin on my too-often pessimistic outlook.

i made this comment on someone's blog yesterday: having a positive attitude is something that always needs repeated.

i experienced a test today: to go this girlfriend's short-notice party or

hang out with the guys like i'd said i would earlier this morning.

what do you think?

visited with career services again and was directed to

the study abroad office to talk about teaching english in a foreign country. if anyone is like "what do i do with my life," you can do this. restrictions vary. some want high school graduation. some want bachelor's degrees. some require a 2.5 gpa and above. check out the peacecorps website first if you're interested because they can place someone in many places. most of the others are for asia.

http://www.peacecorps.gov/

http://piaweb.princeton.edu 

www.worldteach.org

www.jetprogramme.org

www.marshall.edu/gochina 

www.edb.gov.hk

www.epik.go.kr

my girlfriend and i are cool

i mean, i didn't ask further about her mom dying. in a way, i want to be completely open and ask her anything and tell her anything. so, it kind of sucks. i don't know where this relationship is going. kind of barely afloat.

here's a sample of my writing from a couple nights ago

taken from bat house--a long, strange thing that ends with a bat house which is the name of the two-story maze done in complete darkness at halloween festivals, at least where i'm form.

i just write it out by hand and then type it up, not really editing. so, you'll probably have to make an effort to understand some of it.

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An image appeared in his mind; tennis ball under a coffee table. “If life was a tennis ball…no…if life was a tennis match…no, if life was a tennis game, then love-love.” He didn’t know what it meant, but, he never knew what he thought until those things appeared and he put meaning to it. “I love love,” he thought. “What is love? No. Who is love? Yes. Who do I love?”

He heard a sound. It was nice and soft at first, and then it took on meaning. It became something, intentional or not. Ben didn’t like it at first because that was a true genius—the person that hated it the most. But, he was ridiculous, laying on the ground. Who was he to judge the sound—the it? Who was Ben? Who was he in love with?

Aware that his own thoughts spoke in the third person, Ben prepared to encounter them! The others stopped, concerned. “They’re always worried,” Ben thought. “They’re always saying ‘Oh! My! God!’”

He felt the warmth of the headlights. Before the sound of slammed doors, he heard the shrieks. He could hear the female voice: “What is happening?” It wasn’t the thought he had expected. It was something he would have expected to have heard at the party he was at so long ago. (He asked himself how many hours ago).

He tried to move. He wanted to see the sky—God. He wanted to see into nothingness to see how far away it—he—was, but he couldn’t end it. He continued to stare at the red. He tried to see beyond it. He should have been looking at concrete. Instead, he was looking at color, and who knew what that meant? No one. Nothing.

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it doesn't bother me too much but it always happens...

why do couples always have to talk about their exes (ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends)?

a few reasons i came up with if it interests you: proof of status. proof of experience. just something to talk about because it was a large part of their life. a way to talk about things they have enjoyed and did not enjoy.

in a way it is good to talk about it.

really thought this post through as i was typing it out.